If I Should Die
by Nina.4444
Summary: Kensi Gets Shot
1. Chapter 1

**Okay before you read this if you can...you should get the song and lisssstennn to it... It makes it better when you're reading! If not ...read ahead and listen to it later hehe**

**Oh and pllleasee send me a review after you're done! I would love x a million to know what you think about this one!**

**It was going to be a one shot but I'm going to make it go for a couple of chapters ...here we go, hope you like!**

**If I Should Die.**

A breathy gasp escaped her lips and she felt her body falling. Backwards.

And yet she felt nothing. Nothing at all.

She barely felt herself hitting the ground; the back of her head hitting the concrete floor. She didn't hear the bullet casings hitting the ground, she didn't hear people scream. She didn't hear her name yelled, by the three men outside or from the others back in the office.

All she heard was all the air from her lungs being pushed out of her lips and then nothing...

She placed her hand on her chest as she fell. Still falling. It was warm...there was something warm she raised it up to look at it but had to blink. She couldn't see it. Blur...

She blinked and finally saw the red on her hand. The frank blood red that covered her fingers.

Her arm fell, like she had. Hitting the ground hard beside her.

She stared at the tall ceiling white dots dancing on her pupils.

_**If I should die this very moment**_

Her chest heaved up and down and she was vaguely aware of her laboured breaths.

Suddenly she could hear everything. Everything. People's cries, screams, yells. It was so loud. Too loud. Her head was bursting and she wanted the silence, yearned for the silence back. Please.

"_KENSI"_

It was familiar. The sound, the voice. Her head lolled to the side and gave a sharp twinge. But it was soon forgotten when she saw him. He was there. She could see him. Her eyes fixed on him even though he was still slightly blurry but he was there.

He was being pulled away.

No...no...no...no...no

She needed him, didn't they know she needed him. Didn't they know?

"_KENSI"_ His eyes met hers and a million words were exchanged between them. Every feeling. Every fear. Every piece of their vulnerable hearts right in that moment was shown to the other. She held his gaze. But he was the one to break it. He turned to push off another man trying to drag him away. Away from her. She didn't like that man. She needed him, didn't he know that.

But he was there. She watched him fight. She watched him yell and protest and fight. He was there.

He was there for her. With her. He was there. And that was all she needed to know.

_**I wouldn't fear**_

She wasn't scared. She didn't feel scared. Or sad. Or hurt. She didn't feel.

She was numb.

But he was there and that was all that mattered. He was there. She was safe.

With him she was safe.

She watched him push off more men. Fighting for her. She felt her back warm slightly and frowned wondering why for a second. Only for a second.

"_KENSI!"_ She looked back up to see him. Slamming through the glass door. Gun in hand. The others behind him. Deeks, Sam...Guns. The door shattered as it rebounded off the wall at the force he'd pushed it open with. She watched the shards of glass bounce of the ground, glitter in the sun. A shot echoed in her head and she watched Callen raise his gun again,

Where was her gun?

Shots were fired and she heard them hit their targets, she watched the casings hit the ground, lying with the glass and with her. She heard the screams and the cries and she heard her wheezy breath. But she kept her eyes on him. And finally he turned back to her. His blue eyes raking over her body. Finding her eyes. Meeting her gaze.

_**For I've never known completeness like being here**_

He landed on his knees beside her. She heard them hit the ground with a thud. She watched the red seep into the denim and wondered how he was going to get the stain out. What was it? But she looked up again when she felt him.

She felt him place his hands on her cheeks. On either side of her face,

"_Baby, Kensi I'm here"_ he stroked her cheeks. She wanted to reach out and touch him. She could feel him but he sounded so far away. He looked like he was there, in front of her. But his voice..it was so quiet, like he was in another room. She needed to get to him.

His hands were so warm on her skin. She was so cold. She was cold. She was freezing. His hands were warm.

"_I'm here kensi hold on, hold on we'll get you out of here. Stay with me baby"_ she looked up at him, peered into his bright eyes that were welled with concern and fear and worry. But there was love too. She could see it.

"_I'm here Kens. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here love stay with me" _he said fiercely,

_**Wrapped in the warmth of you**_

Nothing else mattered she couldn't see or feel or hear anything else in that moment. Just his hands on her face. Caressing her face, brushing her hair away from her eyes. She could see just his blue eyes. Nothing else.

"_I'm here Kens just breathe. Breathe Kensi. We got you. It's okay"_

Then Deeks appeared on the other side of her and she looked at him quickly,

"_How you doing partner?"_ he said throwing her a smile. She tried to smile back, reassure him. What had happened? She needed to ask. But as she opened her mouth the pain in her throat and her chest was unlike anything she'd ever felt.

_**Loving every breath of you**_

"_No Kens shhh, sh it's okay don't try to talk love. Just breathe Kens"_ She should have known. Known that it would hurt. She felt pressure on her stomach. Hard. She wanted to squirm away but her body, she couldn't move it. She couldn't feel the rest of her body.

Panic.

She couldn't wiggle her toes, she couldn't feel her legs. She could feel wetness on her face. It hurt so much. All of it. Everywhere.

But then he was there again. He leant over her body until his face was inches away from hers. She could feel his hot breath on her lips as he breathed.

He breathed for her.

"_Breathe Kensi it's okay I'm right here just breathe breath with me Kensi" He said and she watched a tear drop from the corner of his eye. As if in slow motion she saw it form and then drop onto her forehead. She felt it run down the side of her face. More followed. Streams of tears. But when she looked back up at him he wasn't crying. _

_**Still my heart this moment**_

She wanted it to stop. She looked at him begging him. Make it stop.

It hurt it all hurt she could feel the pain. Everything hurt. Her stomach, her eyes, her chest, her throat, her arms; she was on fire. There was so much pain.

And more. There was more. There was so much pain in his eyes. It made it almost unbearable to look into them. Her heart was racing.

But she was with him. He was there. He loved her. She could feel his body, she could smell the scent that undeniably Callen. She could feel his hands on her face. Hear his voice, pleading her to keep her eyes open. To stay with him.

Didn't he know she would always be with him? Didn't he know that she would never leave him, always love him.

_**Oh it might burst**_

She needed him.

She loved him.

Didn't he know?

Hadn't she told him enough?

She had to tell him. Now she had to tell him.

She opened her mouth ignoring the slicing pain.

"I ...I" He shook his head,

"No Kens don't talk. They're coming Kens. Just hold on they're coming. The paramedics they're nearly here ERIC WHERE ARE THEY?" he yelled frantically and she tried to shake her head. It didn't work.

"I lo.." She took a deep breath,

"I love you" he stopped talking, he stopped yelling, he stopped everything. And stared at her.

"No!" His voice was low yet so forceful,

"No...do not say that like you're saying goodbye" he commanded but she frowned. Goodbye. She would never say goodbye. Not to him. She loved him.

His lips were again hers briefly.

"I love you too Kensi. God I love you"

_**Could we stay right here till the end of time?**_

She wanted him- she could see the love, hear his love. For her

_I love you too Kensi. _She breathed again. He knew. That was all that mattered. And then...

Then the world started spinning then the world exploded into bright lights and she clamped her eyes shut. She couldn't see his face but even when she shut her eyes the darkness didn't come all she could see was white. Blinding, bright, painful white.

_**Till the earth stops turning**_

"KENSI...KENS OPEN YOUR EYES. KENS...NO PLEASE KENSI PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES" she couldn't ignore it. Not him. She couldn't so she opened her eyes. It hurt, it hurt more than words could say but she focused on his eyes. His eyes.

"Good girl just stay with me sweetheart" he said running his hand across her cheek.

All the lights faded. Time stopped. The sound faded again. Everything stopped. He was with her. Everything was okay. Suddenly she was scared.

Where was she going? She didn't want to go. She wanted to stay. With him. With him. Forever. She didn't want to go anywhere.

_**Wanna love you till the seas run dry**_

She wanted to tell him how much she loved him.

Kiss him in the mornings and at night.

Love him unconditionally forever.

Start a family with him.

Love him. Over and over and over.

_**I've found the one I have waited for **_

It was him all along it was him. Right in front of her, sitting at the desk next to her.

She had waited for so long. Holding onto the tiny promise her father had once made her. The one that had assured her that she was going to find a man to look after her, who would love her no matter what. Like in the fairy tales. Like he did.

She had waited, her hope wavering, her hope dimming, fading.

He was right there. The whole time.

**Please review!**

**Do you think the next chapter should be from Callen's point of view or should I finish the song in Kensi's point of view and then do it again in Callens so you get the whole of it in both of their views?**

**Hope you liked it!**

**Nina xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**If I should die**

**Chapter 2**

**All this time I've loved you**

She wasn't sure how long it had been. How long it had been since she'd entered the building, since she'd hit the ground. Since Callen had dropped to his knees beside her. She let her gaze drop from his eyes to the floor. The stain on his knees, what she knew was blood, her blood, climbed up the denim fibres growing larger and larger. Yet he didn't seem concerned. The room was still spinning but she tried her hardest. She drew every ounce of energy she had left in her body to keep her eyes open. Like he'd asked, she'd try for him. She briefly let her eyes flicker to Deeks' on the other side of her who was speaking rapidly into a phone in his left hand while he clutched hers tightly in his right. She couldn't make out the words he was saying it was all a blur.

A finger caressed her cheek and it burned her skin. It was like hot iron and her eyes met Callen's stare again. He was talking but she couldn't hear him. She couldn't make out the words he was saying. She even tried to lip read. She'd always been able to do that, but now...what was happening to her?

She stared into his blue eyes, wells of pure, aqua water that she found herself lost in. She loved his eyes. She always had. She loved him. She wasn't sure how long for, but she knew it was more than she'd ever thought. She hadn't even realised her feelings towards him and it was Deeks' who'd pushed her in the right direction. She'd love Deeks' forever for doing that. He was her best friend and the greatest partner she could have.

She could feel him clenching her hand and Callen continued to stroke her face and speak slow words to her. But the world continued to spin and she kept getting colder and colder. She became conscious of how hard and uncomfortable the ground beneath her was and her eyelids grew heavy, wanting to shut.

But she would fight to keep them open. Because he asked her to, and she loved him.

She always had.

**And never known your face**

He'd been there all along and she felt royally stupid. She wondered if they'd all known, if Callen had known. Images of the first time they met, of the op that she'd been sent on without knowing it was a test. Of how the supposed drug dealer with very pretty eyes had leaned forward over her until his lips were millimetres from her ear and spoke,

"Welcome to NCIS agent Blye"

She hadn't seen him the whole time. She'd never thought it could be him. That he could be the one for her, the one to take her on a second date. No, he'd been her boss and then her friend and then almost her brother but then he became something different. Then she began to see him differently. Not that she had realised it at the time. She wasn't sure what had caused it, caused her thoughts to change. Thoughts of him. What had happened to make him consume her thoughts?

All she knew is that something had changed and so had she.

A strike of pain sliced through her chest and her chest heaved as she tried to get air, any air, into her lungs. She could hear her own breathing. And she saw Callen's eyes grow wider. It wasn't working. She tried to raise her hands to her throat to get rid of what was on it, whatever was crushing it but she couldn't. She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. Her head span and the room span faster and more lights erupted behind her eyes. Callen's face became blurry and fear built up inside of her. She needed him, needed to see him.

**All this time I've missed you**

Her face became numb and pins and needles erupted on her skin pricking it. She wanted to squirm away but she couldn't move. Blue eyes came back into focus and she gazed into them. All of a sudden sound erupted in her ears and she clamped her eyes closed as pain erupted with it. Then everything went silent again.

She could hear the world around her and then she couldn't, it went in and out like driving through the hills with the radio on.

But she could still see Callen. He was still there with her. She couldn't believe how much time she'd lost, wasted, missed. Time together. Time. She needed more time. They needed more time.

**And searched this human race**

Jack, Pete, Ryan, the blonde, the fireman. He'd been right in front of her the whole time. Laughing at her jokes, teasing her about her first dates and getting angry alongside Sam and later Deeks when she told them of the more interesting characters she had been on dates with.

The thought of going on a date with Callen had never crossed her mind, at least not since the night of her first op where she'd acknowledged the attraction she found in him. But since then it hadn't ever crossed her mind that he would be the man to take her on that second date. And then the third and fourth...fifth ...well she would have laughed at herself.

Another wave of cold washed over her body and she wondered if she was shaking but all she could do was clench Callen's hand in her own as tight as she could and did the same to Deeks' hand who still sat on the other side of her.

**Here is true peace**

With him she knew she was okay. He understood her, they understood each other. They got each other, they knew each other. Solved and completed the other. He made her forgive herself and she did the same for him because none of the losses they'd each experienced had ever been their fault.

They filled the gap of family, of love. They were each other's family. Together along with the rest of the team. Together they were happy, peaceful, content.

Callen didn't feel the need to hunt and search for his history as much as he had. He hadn't given up but he wasn't as driven, obsessed as he had been. Plus now he had help. And for Kensi she slowly learned that she could trust Callen. He showed her that he would always have her back in the field or not, showed her that he wasn't going anywhere.

Together they chipped at each others walls. Slowly they began to let each other in.

**Here my heart knows calm,**

Eventually, with him she had learned to stop waiting to wake up for him to be gone. With him she learned that he wasn't going to leave her, disappear or find someone better. With him she could file away all the insecurities that had slaughtered every other relationship and just be herself.

Callen had already known her; he had already built trust for her. He knew her flaws and he knew her strengths and he hadn't pushed away yet. Maybe that's what made it easy, knowing each other.

**Safe in your soul**

She was safe with him. Safe in her own skin, her own thoughts and opinions.

It was amazing to know that after a tough day at work Callen could take all of that away. He could distract her or talk with her. Talk with each other. Because he knew her, he knew how she coped and how she didn't. He knew when she needed a shoulder or a beer.

She could be herself. They both could.

She never had to change for him.

**Bathed in your sight?**

With the way he was looking at her nothing else mattered. She held his gaze and tried to focus on nothing else. Tried to forget the pain, the burning the knives; forget it all and focus on him.

His eyes full of promises and hopes and dreams of everything she wanted and everything that she was afraid to lose. She never used to be afraid, never used to be scared.

But then again she had never had so much to lose.

But it was hard. And it was only getting harder and harder. To keep her eyes open, to stop the darkness that was creeping in, that was slowly pulling her away. Her eyes felt heavy, everything felt heavy she was so tired.

**Chapter 2 **

**So everyone I haven't had a computer for a month now but I do again! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!**

**Hope you like this one and please review More to come,**

**Nina xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**If I should die **

**Chapter 3**

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><p><strong>Want to stay right here till the end of time <strong>

The house was warm, windows opened wide allowing a breeze holding the warmth of the sun to filter through the house. The silence was peace, interrupted only for the song of the birds and the slow, rhythmic, breathing she could faintly hear. The room was familiar with its high cream ceilings, antique archways and cherry stained wooden floors she knew would be cold in the winter. Her sock clad feet were folded on the couch that she was comfortably reclined across.

She wasn't sure that she'd ever felt so…serene. Her whole world was calm, she was calm. Her eyes were closed, eyelids folded shut comfortably and there was a warmth beneath her chin, across her chest that only made her feel whole…complete.

She expected for her body to tense when she heard footsteps padding across the floor behind her, down the hall. Peculiarly however the sound simply caused the corners of her lips to be tugged upwards. A soft pressure on her forehead caused her eyes to open into blue. His eyes were just the same as they'd always been. She smiled in earnest before he leant further over her shoulder and she watched him a warmth that she couldn't credit the sun for spreading through her chest as he pressed his lips to the top of another head.

She observed the small body cradled in her secure arms, against her chest. Their daughters head resting beneath her chin, her small, rhythmic breaths causing her body to rise and fall where she lay sound asleep on her mother's chest, oblivious of her father's affection. Her tiny eyelashes lay against her rose cheeks and beneath the tiny eyelids to which they belonged she knew were identical orbs to the ones she'd stared into only the moment before, been lost in many times before.

He slid behind them, pushing her upwards slightly before he could ease into the chair, causing her to cradle her daughters head instinctively. His lips brushed her neck and she relaxed back against him allowing her eyes to close once more wishing on the warm breeze that the moment would never end.

**Till the earth stops turning **

When she opened her eyes once more she could hear pattering against those floors. Gone was the warmth from a moment before replaced with a slight chill and she noted the windows were closed and painted with a cold mist. Her icy soles confirmed the cold of the floorboards in the winter and she looked down to see the apple she was slicing through.

Turning she took in the large kitchen, walking around the island which stood in the centre and found herself slipping into the small space behind the door. Not a moment later a tiny figure ran at full speed into the room skidding to a stop and Kensi's eyes creased with her wide smile. Curly dark hair whipped around the small girls head as she searched the room. Another figure entered the room, one much more familiar which leant down to exchange words with the girl who came up only to just above his knee and she flung around her blue eyes landing on her hiding mother before laughing loudly and jumping up and down with her success in delight.

Kensi caught her daughter who threw herself towards her hoisting her up to sit on her hip. It was then that Callen turned and grinned at mother and daughter with laughing eyes, coffee cup in hand, an identical one beside him on the bench, hers. And of course a sippy cup beside that. Suddenly a cry echoed through the room and the girl wriggled in her arms to be put down before announcing that she would get him!

Kensi bewilderedly peered at the small monitor on the bench and Callen just chuckled before pressing a kiss to the side of her head sharing her sentiments at the early hour their children apparently preferred to begin their days.

She leant against the island and listened through the monitor as the crying quietened as a small sweet voice hushed and sang before her Dad arrived.

Her smile was inevitable. And to that sound she could listen forever.

**Gonna love you till the seas run dry**

Her hands smoothed down the soft material as she sucked in a lung full of clean, crisp air that smelled of grass, flowers and but a slight ocean saltiness. The wooden door from behind her opened and she turned on her heel to see her partner move through the doorway. He suddenly paused in the frame to stare at her for several moments before his face cracked with a smile.

_Beautiful._ She replied with her own smile before turning back to the mirror her eyes catching her mother's for the slimmest of moments. The older woman placed a hand on her shoulder squeezing gently before tucking a piece of Kensi's hair behind her ear and slipping from the room. She left the door slightly ajar and the rays of sun that slipped through it caused the dust in the air to shine like glitter.

Her partner stood beside her as he had for years upon years, never leaving, and never failing to have her back just as he was there to do again. It was to him she owed this day, and every one she would have afterwards. He nudged her arm slightly and she met his eyes in the mirror, observing them both. She in a simple yet flawlessly elegant white dress and he in a black suit.

_Proud. _His eyes shined back at hers which later she would think about teasing him for. He wasn't her father, it wasn't how she had imagined it happening before but this man, her partner, Marty Deeks NCIS, was the only man she would ever have wanted to take the most important walk of her life alongside. And so the two partners stepped into the sunshine, and out of the room, and Deeks lead Kensi arm in arm towards the rest of her life who stood beside his own partner at the altar.

**I've found the one I have waited for, the one I've waited for **

And then there was no more still, no more calm, no more peace. It was frantic now, frantic, frazzled flashes of images that flickered into her vision too fast for her to see them all.

A smirking drug dealer, undercover agent, with pretty eyes, her first NCIS mission – Smart mouthed Mike Renko and solid, steady and reliable Sam Hanna – Leroy Jethro Gibbs who Callen looks at in a different way than she's ever seen him look at anyone – Sweet-talking Tony Dinozzo and beautiful Kate, infallible Abby Scuito, ever-loving Ducky – Growing Family – no nonsense Ziva David – Team bonding – Mike Renko stolen from beside her, promising he will be back - Sweet and ambitious Dom who watches her every move and would undoubtedly break her heart – Sam pulling her from the ground before Dom's funeral – Callen finding her in the bar after work taking her home – Incredible Nell – A new sister - Marty Deeks LAPD – Almost killing Marty Deeks LAPD everyday thereon – Her father – Her Mother - Jack - Deeks pulling her from the wreck – Nell and Eric - Shoving him out of the way of the oncoming car – Michelle and Sam's gorgeous children - Undercover agent – Undercover student – Undercover wife – Undercover teacher – Undercover nurse– Undercover doctor- Undercover secretary - Undercover real estate agent – Undercover car sales – Undercover weapons trader – Undercover sister, mother, aunt, kindergarten teacher, garbage collector, pretty girl, dangerous woman, terrorist - Bringing the kidnapped child home – Finding answers for the newly widowed sergeant – Callen looking at her – Looking at Callen – Nate comes home – Senior Agent Kensi Blye- The always all-knowing Hetty – Christmas party - Team bonding - Marty Deeks NCIS – Gibbs sitting across from Callen in his then house smirking knowingly when Kensi turns up – Eric holding a small red-headed child a smile so wide she thought impossible – A question - Tying up loose ends - _I do_ Callen pressing his lips against hers – Kensi Blye-Callen - A new house with high ceilings and wooden floors, a perfect find, courtesy of the one Henrietta Lange – Leaving their rings in the ceramic clasp box together before leaving for work – Racing to work - A scream that sounded like her own tearing from her throat as a pressure in her stomach intensified and she knew it was time to push – tiny fingers wrapping around one larger one – Blue eyes taking in the world around – sleepless nights full hearts – Uncle Deeks, Uncle Sam, Aunt Nell, Uncle Eric and Uncle Nate – Cases - Teasing Deeks about the woman with a gorgeous smile and kind eyes – Missing children, holding their child at the end of the day – Tony and Ziva - First steps – First words - Her mother holding a small bundle of blue with an eager Callen at his mother in law's shoulder while her little girl curled up in the hospital bed alongside her – First steps – First words – Big sister – A wooden rocking horse to match the other toys from Gibbs who occasionally took breaks from constructing the boat –- Imagining the destruction they would return to after their night out, leaving their children with Marty Deeks – Standing to the left of Deeks as he had stood beside her on her own day - Cracking out the crib once more although they may need another to match - A gift bigger than the size of her daughter who was turning five with a bow as big as a dinner plate causing a squeal from the child and an incredulous gaze from Callen as he read the card _'from the best uncle in the world Tony' _- Abby pulling her daughters hair up into high pigtails much to the delight of the younger girl - A glassy eyed G Callen following her from the school gate their youngest children hand in hand while they left one behind in her brand new class – background checks on the teachers – Birthday cakes – Christmas' – Easter – Halloweens –– Homework – A bigger family than she could ever have imagined – the images, just snapshots spun faster and faster until they were simply blurs, until she could only spy glimpses of blue eyes and brown curls and hear echoes of laughter. It was too much as the colours merged into one sending her body into array, her nerves firing uncontrollably, too much, and then a bright light, brighter than she'd ever seen, blinding, as if the vessels in her eyes were exploding like fireworks. Then darkness.

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><p><strong>I'm determined to finish :) Please review! <strong>


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